Safe Haven. The newest film adaptation of Nicholas Sparks’ highly unpredictable romance narrative. I had the opportunity to attend the world premier of this movie, rubbing shoulders with some of Hollywoods most successful, some of Hollywoods haughtiest characters, and some of Hollywoods most profound gold-diggers. Grauman’s Chinese Theatre showcases one of the largest screens I have ever seen. This very screen was used for the permier. Now, if you are wondering how this movie is, you should look no further than every other film that has been produced based on a Nicholas Sparks novel. They all go a little something like this: cast two beautiful white people of the opposite sex, include an obstacle that makes falling in love seem to be impossible, have them fall in love anyways, introduce a nightmarish scenario that can only destroy what strong emotions they display towards one another, have them overcome the scenario and embrace each other as the picture fades into darkness.
I give “Safe Haven” a B, and thats only because it gives North Carolina presence on a worldly level(who do you think you are, Ben? Richard Roeper?). After the screening, the crowd was herded up to the after party. This is where I was graced with the presence of perky gold-diggers and delicious edibles. Above you can see Gretchen Rossi. For those of you who are unfamiliar with her, she is on “The Real Housewives of Orange County”. What a piece of work. Literally. When I first saw her, I thought she had been stolen out of Madame Tussauds wax museum and carted up to the venue as a prop for the party. After chatting with her for a second, only then did I notice she was a living, breathing soul. Thanks for the viewing and the kale salad Nick!
What could be better than cruising in an RV at 45mph on California backroads listening to Danzig?
Kicking it upon the lofty heights of Mount Shasta, being coddled by 8 Charlize Therons hand-feeding me nectar and ambrosia – while listening to Danzig – is just about the only thing that comes to mind for me. Nothing could transcend this scenario.
Above you will see Mount Shasta. It is quite the spectacle and yes, I was situated amidst the shinny peak of that thing with 8 blonde firecrackers. At a height of 14,179ft, she may not be the tallest mountain in the country(Mckinley: 20,320ft), but she does, however, stick out like a diamond in a goats ass. The lightly sculpted lava plain of the surrounding region allows Shasta to maintain an impressive profile.
Michael and I posing for a snowmobile lifestyle shoot on Mount Shasta. We wanted an early eighties, Aspen feel to this piece. Only if Mike had been sporting a thick, Bill Buckner-style chevron mustache and I, flaunting Sylvester Stallone’s aviators and puffed mullet ‘do, this photo would have been much more carnal.
A couple moments Mike & I have captured over the last few days. Immaculate sceneries continue to inspire wonderment around every corner. I will say this again, anyone who has not had a chance to see the northern area of California, get on it! The region will not disappoint.
GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE
Stop one of the Northern California tour: The Golden Gate Bridge. This is arguably the most awe-inspiring structure I have ever seen. My perception originates from the studies of this national monument in grade school. From gawking at textbook snapshots of the bridge to building scale models in class, I was predestined to bestow adulation upon this superstructure; as I did upon laying first eye. A vivid chromatic impression. The scenery calls upon the three primary colors; red, green, blue; to paint a prominent illustration. Spanning from San Francisco to the opposing mountainside of Marin City, the burnt vermillion red of the bridge is magically profiled against the lush greens of the bluff and the deep blues characterizing the bay and sea below. All in all, this national landmark narrowly edges out South of the Border for most aesthetically appealing.
Walking through this surreal redwood forest, I was constantly looking back over my right shoulder in fear that I was being tracked by Tommy Lee Jones, as I was Benicio in “The Hunted“. Fortunately, this was only me experiencing a brief Fruedian tic and not the actual dramatic hollywood thriller superimposed over my life. Free from being preyed upon, I noticed the moist, cool air that blanketed the forest allowed for inhalations of the most wholesome air I have ever filled my lungs with. The distinctness of the verdant greens: the fanning ferns, scanty shoots of grass, fresh moss; juxtaposed by that of the darker, earthy browns: colossal trunks of the redwoods, the chocolate colored soils and rotting pieces of stray wood.
PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY
Being at the helm of a 25 ft RV takes concentration. Piloting that same RV through the tangles of the Pacific Coast Highway requires a driving prowess paralleling Mark Martin. Only after the fear of careening off sheer cliffs subsides, does the areas true grandeur set in. We have driven the mammoth RV from just above San Francisco, 260 miles, now approaching Oregon. One can spend hours and hours on this ribbon of highway, desiring evermore. It is beautiful.
What an amazing product of nature. The Chandelier Tree, over 2300 years old, is one of few antiquated redwoods you can actually drive a small vehicle through. I do recommend going to see this thing; if for some reason in all of hell you happen to be in Leggett, California. However, if I had to work as a park ranger at this location, I would more than likely use my knot-tying expertise to suspend the state funded Ford Ranger from the canopy of said tree. The monotony of being a tree custodian would drive me to destructive mischief. Aside from Ford Rangers, one commendable condition this tree forces upon its sightseers is the purchase or rental of compact vehicles no bigger than a Volkswagon Golf, thus making the world a “greener” place.
RV-ing through the unspoiled vastness of the redwood forests cannot be properly depicted through written word. I really can’t explain it. This situation is like the well-known scene in Pulp Fiction where John Travolta and Samuel L. are wielding the brief case. Cracking into the mysterious piece, their faces are immediately illuminated by its contents. Contents which remain a question to us, the viewers. Well, I have seen what’s inside the brief case; I have experienced the epic drive through the redwood forests in a luxurious RV. Now it’s your turn.